A conversation with pain

Pain,

long have I pushed you away

long have I bargained

to keep you at bay—

not me,

not this,

not fair,

not now.

~

But you show up

anyway,

embroidering your thread

upon my heart.

Can you blame me then

if I recoil

at the piercing of

each stitch?

~

Please stop,

I say.

Can’t you see

I’m suffering?

Hey!

Are you listening?

But every time

your answer is the same:

~

Pay attention

pay attention

pay attention.

~

No.

I’d rather not.

No.

Some other day.

Help.

I’m not sure.

Can I just push you away?

~

Pay attention.

~

But it hurts too much,

can’t you see you’ve

sewn my heart shut,

now what?

I’m afraid,

I’m afraid,

I’m afraid.

~

Pay attention.

~

Don’t you hear me?

Can’t you see me

in my misery?

I suffer because of you, old pain,

and yet all you offer

 is your ceaseless refrain.

~

pay attention

~

Must I?

Can I?

Will I?

Ah.

Dear pain,

how you’ve

 worn me down,

my arguments are gone,

and all I can do is

breathe

and

listen

and say

yes

yes

yes

 

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17 thoughts on “A conversation with pain

    • Dear Amy, I’m always amazed at how perfectly life is set up to teach us the very things we need to see. All is well here, and I thank you for your huge heart that always shines so brightly and steadily. ❤

    • Dear Jeannine, I am so blessed to have you in my life. Despite the distance, I always feel your great support and kindness. All is well here and your hugs are always welcome! ❤

  1. Amazing poem. Love the pulsating repetitive rhythms that show the relentlessness of pain and how it demands our attention as much as we try and push it away. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this as it must be debilitating as pain can often be, but you describe it very well. Love your new blog, Lorraine! Nice to be able to read your writing again. I miss those MV days and the fun we used to have there.

    • Oh Cat, I just want to run over and give you a big hug. Thank you for expressing how you took this poem in–that rhythm is exactly what I was listening to. What a great writing partner, writer, and human being you are! I have such good memories of the sharing that was so supportive and helpful on MV. But how wonderful we can continue our friendship in other ways. ❤

  2. Lorraine, this poem is a smile that blossoms through tears, a ray of sun that breaks through clouds. Such wise, beautiful words. I am saddened that pain has been your constant companion. . . You reveal so gently how pain does not define you.

    Sending you so much love. Thank you for sharing your gifts. ❤

    • Amy, thank you so much for your love and kindness. All is well here. This bit of writing is more a reflection into feeling how pain shows up for all of us through our lives and how we see it at different stages. It has been a great gift for me to shift from pushing pain away to meeting it and finding that the pain is actually in the resistance to my experience rather than the experience itself. I have such gratitude for the lessons of life and for the love that is so freely shared amongst us. I’m so happy to have met you and to share our hearts. ❤

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